Ho Ho Hojo
by Ash Gray Kitsune
Summary: All Sephiroth wanted was a break. A simple Christmas break, with a few drinks, a few friends, and Costa. Then came Hojo.


**Ho Ho Ho-jo**

**Disclaimer: ...I need a life.**

Christmas was Hojo's least favorite time of year. There were always so many damned distractions, from lab assistants thinking they had a right to a 'vacation' to inane carolers becoming new experiments because he finally lost his temper and tossed one into a vat of mako. The resulting blob of off-key singing was nearly enough for him to give up all together! He growled at the lab techs and stalked around the large glowing mako tubes, his foul mood causing the clones resting in said tubes to wince and shrink away. He noted that absently, pleased in spite of himself that their empathy was so strong at such a tender cycle. That would serve them well later on in avoiding him during this time of year. He picked up a clipboard and rifled through it's contents before he finally gave up and slumped into an empty chair. What the hell was he doing here? He was the bloody Head of the Science Department! _He _should have been the one to say he was going on vacation...when that sparked an idea in his head. A wonderful, terrible idea...

**-in Costa del Sol-**

"Remind me to send Rufus a poinsetta."

"Don't bother; he's allergic. But, I must ask why you'd send my baby brother a gift...surely he hasn't done _that_ good a job, has he?" Sephiroth snorted softly and glanced over at Lazard with a faint smirk.

"Surprisingly, he has since taking the vice presidency. I know you've been rather busy with the President and his circus clowns, but he's really organized the Turks quite well. Not as efficient as Veld, perhaps, but the former Director did have several decades of experience. Reno, quite frankly, adores him, or so Tseng tells me."

"Speaking of the handsome devil, where is he? I see everyone's favorite twosome attempting to pants one another, and the lovely ladies, of course, but the remainder of the Turks seem to be absent."

"Some chose to go to the Golden Saucer with Reeve; Rufus wanted wind, waves, and surfing, so here we are."

"And you're here because...?"

"I threatened genocide."

"Ah...Is Zack taunting Genesis with his own Loveless book?"

"Mmhmm."

"Damn...and I had high hopes for the brat."

"Don't give up so soon, Lazard." They both watched as the younger man jumped up and down, his wild black hair bouncing in time as he waved the small, red leather book above his head...then they both winced as he was tackled into the sand by a livid Genesis, who promptly slapped Zack across the face after he'd sat up and plucked the book out of the SSC's twitching hand. Angeal had watched the whole thing in resignation, and had stalked over to where Sephiroth and Lazard were both lounging in beach chairs, throwing his towel and himself down onto the hot sand, breathing a sigh of relief at the shade from Lazard's enormous pavilion.

"Seph, I refuse to deal with them today. I am taking a nap; tell Zack and Gen that if they wake me, I will personally strip them both naked, tie them up together, and leave them in the sun."

"Consider it done." Sephiroth chuckled, his cat-eyes narrowing with pleasure as he contemplated that sight. Ah, the wonders of SOLDIER basic training...And with what both men were wearing, it would be quite a lot of fun. Genesis wasn't showing much skin, like usual; he preferred a fitted black wetsuit with red accents, while Zack was running around shirtless in his yellow and orange trunks. Glancing down at himself, he was thankful for the loose black tee and khaki cut-offs; if he wanted to swim, he would wait until nightfall and strip to his bare skin. He did _not_ relish sunburns in the slightest. Lazard was dressed similarly, save that all of his clothing was top quality and quite expensive, and his pants were not cut off at the knee with a bowie knife. He settled back a little more and watched the world from beneath silver eyelashes, wishing that Reno and Rude would cease the horseplay, especially because Rude wasn't wearing all that much, and Reno even less. At least Cissnei, Elena, and some bint Zack was dating named Aeris had the decency to keep themselves looking nice, and he had to admit, bikinis suited all three women. Rufus was out on the waves with Tseng surfing; he'd be out there all day, and therefore, out of everyone's business.

He reached down and pulled out a cold, frosted longneck of beer, popped the cap off with a thumb and took a long sip. He had needed this...when an aura he recognized set foot on the beach, and his eyes opened, the bottle landing with a splash in the soft grains below.

"Son of a bitch." Lazard opened one eye, his lips pursing.

"What about my father?"

"Not the windbag. _Hojo._" His eyes widened, and he carefully turned his head, hoping that the Professor hadn't noticed them. Sephiroth reached over with his left foot and carefully prodded Angeal in the ribs; he didn't care what the man did to him, all he cared about was that they escaped.

"Mmph...what?"

"Hojo's here. Plan Tonberry." After watching his friend's eyes darken, then narrow, Sephiroth licked his lips, then settled himself into a trance, his power allowing him to extend his extra senses to scan the area around them, looking for...ah. Perfect.

"Do we have a chance?"

"There's a nest about two hundred yards on the other side of him. You get Zack and signal the Turks. I'm going to flush them out, then haul my ass out of here."

"Done. But you're buying drinks tonight."

"I decorated the damn tree, what more do you want from me?"

"I want you to stop avoiding the mistletoe so we have something to blackmail you with. Now go get the tonberries." Sephiroth huffed, but slipped to the back of the pavillion, taking off into the air once he was outside. This gave him a better view of the Professor, and what he saw...he was glad he had a strong stomach, though admittedly, it was sorely pressed to return him his lunch after catching an eyeful of his 'rumored' father's...extended anatomy. Shiva's tits, what the hell was _wrong_ with the man? He did _not_ need to see Hojo in a Speedo, his greasy hair down, a small mustache and beard making his face look like that of a pedophile's...and all of it topped with a motheaten Santa hat that he suspected as to being trapped in the closet for far too many years. If ever there was a time when a tonberry attack was warranted, this had to be it. He knew that Angeal and Lazard would get the innocents out of the way; with a sigh only slightly bothered by what he was about to do, he dove headfirst into the sleeping next, and with a wince as the little beasts started cutting, flung them directly at Hojo. As he took to the skies again, he was rather delighted to see the man he hated most attempting to run as six tonberries angrily stabbed and hacked at every inch of exposed skin. As the screams died away, he banked around and soared over to the balcony that led to his suite; Angeal be damned, he was having his Christmas by himself. Besides...he didn't know if he could ever live down being seen giggling like a certain SSC.

**It's carp, but I needed a Christmas fic to break the ice of things. Especially because real life is kicking my ass like a PMS-ing Tonberry without its knife. Besides all of the other crap...I have to work completely through Christmas, watch my husband go into surgery, miss my nephew's birthday, lose my overtime benefits...-sigh- Anywho, let me know what you think, loves.**


End file.
